Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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