Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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