I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize