so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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