so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
