I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
