There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry my hands just texted you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
