So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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