he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
