I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
