I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
