Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
