I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
