Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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