i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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