I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
