Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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