Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
