It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
