I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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