Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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