That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
