If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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