I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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