Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
