I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
