Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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