i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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