You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
