My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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