So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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