I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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