just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
