My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
