I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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