DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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