Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
