He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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