how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
