Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
