Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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