My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
