I puked a lego.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize