I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
