She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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