I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
