He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
