when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
