OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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