My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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