if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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