I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize