dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
