we made out on top of his cat.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
cat food counts as protein by the way
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
