His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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