I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
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