i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize