I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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