I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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