Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
