This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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