I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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