You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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