forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
