She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
