i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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