My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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