Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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