Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
